Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It’s here now, writing to you.

I was tired of fighting.

Did you ever accidentally have sex with your brother/sister in India?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

And the sadness?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Gun owners, imagine if an attacker comes to your home and takes your gun to use against you before you had the chance to pick it up. Would you regret owning a gun?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Baby saved by gene-editing therapy 'graduates' from hospital, goes home - ABC News

It’s still here.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Top prospects for 2025 Draft arrive in Buffalo for Scouting Combine - NHL.com

The sadness was still there.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

I had run out of hope.

How do you know if your husband loves you truly and deeply?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Be who you already are.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

If our normal body temperature is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, why do we perceive weather in the 90s as "hot?"

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Marijuana Use Among Older Adults Climbs to New High - AARP

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

What are some reasons why men may not want to date a woman who can pay her own bills?

You are like me, then.

I was tired of trying and failing.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Nvidia CEO Pays Tribute To Late Nintendo President Satoru Iwata In New Switch 2 Video - Kotaku

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.